Accepting Insanity
Misleading title.
I think I'm becoming an alcoholic. I feel as if I have a need to drink. Not like smoking where if I go for 6 or 7 hours I have a physical need to smoke, but more of an emotional desire or want that won't go away. I find it funny how they have they call lots of hard drugs and smoking adictive but with alcohol it's a different story; they use the term alcoholic instead for whatever reasons, marketing? Political correctness? Because it's okay to drink casually with your mates but when it comes to smoking, you're not just damaging your own health you're damaging everyone elses! Even when you're outside in the open air...
A thing I find interesting though is when people bitch about having to smell smoke and stuff. I don't mind the smell of smoke, I never did even before I started smoking, there's a lot worse things. If you ever did PE in primary school or had to do an experiment in chemistry involving amines, that's the shit you want to keep away from. It pisses me off when people talk loudly in public, do I want a law against it? No. Not particularly because I care about the human rights of complete strangers that mean nothing to me but because I like to complain.
I had an interesting dream last night. I woke up at about 5:30 am because I heard scratching and I thought it was my cat trying to escape my room, as if I'd fallen asleep with it in my room. I looked to the door and sure enough it wasn't there. I kept hearing it so I even opened my door and nothing was there. I then heard it again and instinctively knew that my cat had walked into my wardrobe and when I closed it at about 2am before I went to sleep I had in fact locked it in. The point of this digression is that I always have my best dreams when I wake up and fall back to sleep or when I hit the snooze button or some shit, because it's not really deep sleeping; it's a lot easier to wake someone up if you've already woken them up once.
But this dream, there's a lot of things about it which have a distinct sense of familiarity which I can't quite put my finger on, it's like when you hear a lullabi (sp?) you used to hear all the time when you were a baby but can't remember it because no one remembers a single fucking thing about when they were a kid, but there's something about it.
I remember a part where I was walking down a path on a sharp incline, however the path was very lightly sloped because it went side to side so it didn't go directly against the gradient. The hill was made purely out of stone and had lots of dead trees sticking out somehow, cracking the stone, but wherever there weren't cracks it was incredibly smooth (lol, I just typed 'smove' instead of 'smooth'... depressing.) and I remember as I ran my hand across it water began to drizzle down the hill. I kept walking down and it began to rain everywhere except where I was. I got to the bottom and I saw i was at the bottom of a crater, I probably knew all along but it didn't register in my mind.
There was a wooden house there at the bottom with a flickering light shining out of the windows, it was as if everything else was light but the house was in darkness, with this light coming out of it. I went inside and Georgia was sat by a laptop, and my maplestory character was logged in and stood around in free market doing nothing. She sighed. I asked her what was wrong and she looked at me with big discomforted eyes and walked to the other side of the room. I looked at the PC and saw a character had 'I'm back!' above it.
(Note: For this to make sense, anyone who hadn't logged on for a long time got an item called a welcome back ring, which increased your party's experience by 160%, people had accounts they hadn't used so had 'welcome back mules' which they left at low level and used for exp boost. You know you're a sad twat who plays too many videogames when you dream about it...)
I turned around and said 'holy shit welcome back rings are back' and she said 'yeah my account probably has one'. I stood up and screamed and she screamed back and laughed, I asked her if I could use her account for a welcome back mule and she said that her ex had the account. She actually said 'my ex has it'. My dream then flickered and I was on the top of a huge mountain and it was really windy, to the extent I was struggling to stand up. There was a panda floating on a cloud and I asked him for Georgia's account details, and he gave them to me, I shook his hand. I flickered back into that room and told her I got the details.
The dream then goes really fuzzy. I'm pretty sure a terrorist with an M4 came into the house at this point and shot us both until we were in a pool of blood on the floor, then he left, we both stood back up, wounds healed and our names came up above our head and there was a number above our head that went down by one. For me it went down from 3 to 2 and for her it went down from 72 to 71. She then pulled out a 9mm and killed me, I stood back up so I was on 1. She laughed and kissed me and then smoke appeared and she dissapeared. It goes even fuzzier after that and then I remember the last part in perfect clarity.
I was walking along a path made of yellow/grey stones, really small stones; every time I trood it made the sound of snow crunching. The sun was bright red for some reason and I there were lots of hikers around me with huge bags. I was about to turn down some path on the right and one of the hikers rugby tackled me. He pinned me down and yelled at me 'ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?! YOU'LL DIE!' and picked me back up and pushed me along the main path everyone else was walking down.
We reached a really old mansion which was of victoria style, I don't think my vocabulary extends far enough or is quiet poetic enough as to explain the house in great detail, but I have a relatively photographic memory of it. The only things I can say about it is that there was a tree in front of it, it would be on the right if you came out of the main door. Its trunk was remarkably thick for it's height. Leaves drooped and looked as if they were dying even though they were incredibly dark green. The house looked... sad.
I walked up to the house and heard someone yell 'Antony!' I turned around. Georgia ran up to me 'You got the job' she said. I was amazed. She grabbed my hand and made me follow her. 'Just walk through there' she said, and pointed to the house that we were in earlier, it looked exactly the same except for some reason now it was wherever we were. I looked to the left and the sky instantly turned to grey. There were a bunch of relatively old men, the youngest being in his late 40's, having their picture taken by one of the really old kind of cameras where they have to stand still for a long time and the camera man has to have a sheet over his head. They were all holding a bottle of wine under their right arm with red labels on them saying 'house red' and a napkin in their left hand. They all had their hair combed in the same direction and their hair colours went blond brown blond brown blond brown going across the rows. There were 7 peoples stood up higher at the big (the ground was a small hill at just this one place) 8 stood in front of them, and one guy at the front. The guy at the front was in a suit of armour, had a viking sword in one hand and was pointing to the sky with the other.
I went to stand with them, 'fuck off, kid' said the photographer. I walked through the house and began to fall out of the other side. I'm not sure for how long I was falling but the walls around me were all a solid monotone grey colour. I tried to grab on to the side and my hands set on fire. My life turned to darkness.
...and I woke up.
It seemed like an incredibly long dream although I know I was up again not very long later. Time doesn't seem to matter when you're having a dream. People seem to think that they wake up just as their dream is getting good. Seriously? I mean seriously do you think every time your dream gets good or something's about to happen that's the part when the alarm goes off? Or do you think maybe the more logical explaination is that that's when you stopped dreaming, and you woke up hours later without dreaming since and it seemed like the end?
Having said that I do know you're *supposed* to dream like 8 different dreams each night, but I say fuck it, if you don't remember it how are you supposed to know it's happened?!
This thing made me think about the big bang. People try to think about what it was like before the universe was here. There is a lot of evidence to support the big bang, but one thing that interests me is before the big bang there was this singularity. Space, time, depth, height, width; 5 of the most common dimensions that were created during this big bang, before it, we had nothing, just a dot. It argueably wasn't there at all because it had no dimensions, there was no time. Did it ever exist at all?! Does this mean that there wasn't a time when there was nothing at all?! Nah. I think there was this huge expansion that came from this one point, I just think the time before it is negligable. I think the question shouldn't be 'why are we here?' I think 'why wouldn't we be here?' is a better question. I mean first we thought we were found we were made up of cells, made up of molecules, made up of elements, made up of particles, made up of quarks & waves etc. It's the same in the other direction, first we thought it was just the earth with the sun rotating around it (thanks a fuckin' bunch catholisism) then we find out we're part of this solar system that's part of a galaxy that's part of the universe; when are we gunna get this proof that holy shit, we're not the only universe out there.
Astronomy makes me feel insignificant.
When I was talking to calum on facebook, he asked me the extraction of metals question, so I decided to ask him one back about the 4 conditions for the fermenation of yeast (aqueous, lack of air, 30-40C, yeast) because I knew he wouldn't get it because it's very unexplained in the text book and is only really in the exam style questions in the book. The same question then came up in the exam and I did have a momentary relapse where I stared into the sky and completely forgot how meaningless we were I learned in astronomy.
One thing I find interesting is the whole 'In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti' thing, which I'm pretty sure is latin for 'Of the father, and the son, and the holy spirit'. Which must surely relate the bible and I'm pretty sure the meaning is that they're all the same fucking thing. Which surely doesn't make any sense because it all comes under 'god', yet when refering to jesus coming down to earth we consider him a different entity to god. So what does it all mean, there's god, that does shit, his son, that spreads the word, and this spirit?
I tried to have a good think about what God is and what it means and stuff without being a complete Antitheist about the whole thing and I came up with a few thoughts. Surely god would be a power, it wouldn't be an embodiment but just a power of its own. That's as far as I got without asking questions that are kind of anti relgion.
My other thoughts were:
- Why send one guy?
- What's with all the shit in the universe? The human mind can't even begin to comprehend how small we are in comparison to our own sun, let alone suns that aren't really small, let alone the entire universe. Was all of the stuff in the night sky, including the shit we can't see, just to increase night life aesthetics?
- Why would you leave your only *proof* as being a book? Surely you could make blatantly obvious miracles every so often to convince everyone you're there?
- Why would you make the only requirement to get into heaven awknowledgement of a god? How is rewarding willful ignorance something a god would do?!
I think after that I got pissed off at religion and just had a twister ice pop.
That made me feel better :D
I love icecream.
Shit this was longer than I thought.
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And we just keep accepting this insanity..
And we just keep accepting this insanity.. And We Just Keep Accepting This Insanity.. Jump To Page, Page 1, Page 2