Life Before and After - Two Months After
Angel Whispers
Dear Mommy & Daddy,
Before we said our first hello,
the time had already passed.
For when you held us in your arms,
We had gone to heaven to rest.
We felt angelic tears down our cheeks,
and watched you as you wept.
We wish we could have changed it all,
Your tears touched our souls so deep.
But Mommy when you are sad,
please be assured we know.
For death cannot take away your love,
it will only continue to grow.
Time and distance cannot erase,
a love and bond so deep.
There is no bond that can compare,
and in your heart we'll keep.
When you are feeling far away,
and missing us so much,
close your eyes and feel our wings,
there soft and gentle touch.
Or at night as you sleep,
we'll join you in a dream.
You will see us standing close to you,
and we'll be lost within our wings.
So dear Mommy ,
as you go from day to day.
Find comfort in the knowledge,
We are never that far away.
~ Author Unknown
This is the poem I put on Amelia and Alexander's
Memorial Cards. Today it has been 2 months. Time is measured
in before and after. Before the loss. Life was wonderful. I wore rose tinted glasses.
After I can barely breathe. I cry at a drop of a hat. Maybe not that
easy just whenever I see another woman pregnant. I get sad when
my mom shops for other babies. She would have been such a
good grandmother to them. She had planned to babysit them.
On another note: It was enlightening to see baby loss of a twin on
TV on Desperate Housewives. Baby loss is not taboo. I wish someone
had been honest with me and told me you could lose a baby after the 12
week time period. I wish I had been LESS ignorant about this. I am glad they
talked about it. It happens ALL the time but nobody wants to talk about it.
I am working on my doctorate but I had no clue on what should
or should not be happening when you are pregnant. Those pains
my doctor kept telling me were round ligament pain were really
Braxton hicks and PTL. Why was I so dumb!!! I could have pushed the
doctor to do more. To check me internally. So many could haves that
I just did not do to help save Amelia and Alexander. I say sorry to them
in my prayers every night and ask for they forgiveness. I was the one
who should be keeping them safe and I didn't.
On a final note: I am researching Trans-Abdominal Cerclage (TAC).
I am thinking of getting this done before I get PG again. I will take
care of my future babies. I have been talking with a Dr. Haney at
University of Chicago. It is a small c-section or laproscopy
and is more reliable then other cerclages. I still have 6
frozen embryos waiting for me when the time is right and I get
brave.
Buenas Noches, Lizy from FREEZING Chicago
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