My Coach Is Going as Neo Sky
First things first.
As I'm sure everybody knows, Johnny announced yesterday that he'll be taking a year off from competitive skating, and he formally withdrew from the Grand Prix events to which he had been assigned.
Moments before his press release appeared, he tweeted, 'I love my fans.' And soon after the news hit, another tweet: 'I am sorry to disappoint you all. I will be back. Don't be sad. I love you so much.'
And that did make me feel sad--not for me, but for Johnny, sitting there in his hotel room in Japan where he was supposed to have been asleep hours ago, but instead was still up and tweeting to his fans and worrying that they would be disappointed in him.
And I just wanted to say: BB, don't be silly. No apology necessary. You've made a decision that only you can make, regarding the path only you can travel, about the life that only you can live--with all the passion and courage and heartbreak and joie de vivre that is all uniquely, fiercely, fabulously you.
You don't have to explain or defend anything. Ever. To anyone. But thank you for once again sharing yourself so honestly with your fans. Also: Getting to hear your voice on the audio as you delivered the announcement was a lovely gift.
And all I can say is some variation of what I and about a million other people said yesterday as soon as we all heard:
Oh, Johnny.
You are never a disappointment.
Am just along for the ride, wherever it takes you.
Love love you always. ♥
But it was a bit of a tumultuous day, to say the least. You can read the entire text of Johnny's statement on his official website here, and also listen to the audio file here.
The announcement hit the mainstream press with lightning speed, which was exciting to see, because Johnny's popularity and
appeal--apparently unbeknownst to the remarkably doltish and obstinate-beyond-all-reason USFSA--has so completely transcended and overshadowed the insular, inbred world of competitive figure skating (may I offer at this juncture another polite FU to the USFSA. Because it makes me happy to do so. And I need a little happy right now.)
Among the delights of the actually really evenhanded press coverage was this gem of an interview with Vanity Fair, in which I stumbled across these Johnny quotes that I will now savor for the rest of my natural life:
[Now] I can go into the ice rink at midnight and skate and be free. (Yes, BB. Fly and be free.)
To be honest, I just want to go somewhere where I can wear a white Speedo. (And a big yes to this also. With twitpics on top.)
But it was all a little heavy for those of us who live our lives fully invested in all things Johnny, which means loving him to pieces and worrying about him as if he was one of our own, which he kind of is a little bit because he's just that accessible to his fans.
And so you can imagine my sheer delight when a LiveJournal member known to me only as 'leupa' and who shall forevermore be enshrined in the hallowed halls of actual laugh-out-loud-till your-stomach-hurts lifesaving humor, took the time to apply the new 'Translate Captions' feature to the audio file of Johnny's announcement on YouTube and then post the results here. Because what could possibly get lost in translation? (besides grammar, syntax, and any actual comprehensible meaning.) And if you haven't been there yet, for the love of Weirsus, I'm begging you: Go now. Not only is the entry brilliant, but the comments are priceless and wonderfully soaked in Johnny love.
And so, just as a refresher, may I offer selected portions of Johnny's announcement once again as only YouTube captions can present them, with some additional commentary / translations by me (because I couldn't resist running the translator again to see if it would say the same thing twice, which no, it's a bit more random than that), and with full credit for the concept and also undying love to leupa.
[Note: this reads kinda like ee cummings on acid. Oh. Sorry for the drug reference.]
my dearest can
there many projects but I'm currently working on
and I watch devote my time too
including my single thirty love
[Michael! he wrote a tennis song just for you!]
and also working on the second season
and make it a reality theory the good job here
(alternate translation by YouTube:
and also working on the second he's in my head
reality series be good johnnie we are)
[yes, we are being good. the second he's in our heads.
which is pretty much every second.]
and of course getting in shows
around the world imprisonment
on skating spectacular
[comment from leupa:
and of course getting in shows
around the world imprisonment
on skating spectacular
[comment from leupa:
'criminal skater Johnny,
making the world more beautiful
one prison at a time']
my coach is going as neo sky and
viktor petrenko and mean turncoat
I'd like to thank my family, friends, but most of all
Mike can
I skated for my fantasy
and I'm forever in your that
[yes please. go right on in
and make yourself at home in my that.
with your fantasy.]
with your fantasy.]
I can perform in a way that is bucking week
what has been a match books ernie
[yes. bucking week. can't get enough of that
or match books ernie.]
I still hope to be on the knife is often as possible
training and performing my many fans around the world
[we would love to be trained by you.
where do we sign up?]
I mean if elected music from an expanded program
(alternate translation:
ITN's elected music from a knife and cut the programs)
and I'm already dreaming up costing
thank you to everyone who supported me
hello to be performing for you Gary sims
[so I'm guessing Mike Can, Match Books Ernie,
and Gary Sims are BFFs?]
and I'm very proud of everything I've accomplished so far
my life is the figure skater
[yes, it certainly is, but also so much more]
think you spicy but from fat it down
Yes. My thoughts exactly. 'Think you spicy but from fat it down.' I think that just about covers it. And is also my new motto.
Along with this: In Weirsus we trust. Especially if he's wearing a white Speedo.
Although for now, we'll make do with this new photo from Japan:
Exclusive! Johnny tries on a costume for Fantasy on Ice--
or at least part of a costume...
Hey! You can purchase a T-shirt
in honor of our Ride for Life project!
We exceeded our $7,500 donation goal,
so now we're aiming for $10,000!
We're less than $2,000 away,
and we have until July 31 to get there!
Shirts are $20 each including shipping,
and $10 of that goes directly toward AIDS/LifeCycle!
Everything you need to know about ordering is here!
PLEASE KEEP VOTING HERE for Johnny to win
the 2010 Readers' Choice Skater of the Year Award
(voting ends July 15)!
(voting ends July 15)!
Special thanks to mallornleaf on ontd_skating
for the Galina-Is-Neo macro!
for the Galina-Is-Neo macro!
copyright 2010 / Binky and the Misfit Mimes / Lynn V. Ingogly / all rights reserved
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